Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
