I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
