She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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