id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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