Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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