Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
