I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
