she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
