im holly from the hills drunk
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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