hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
