Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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