Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
