i barfeds in our rink
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
