A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
