My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
