butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
