I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
