I skipped work to stalk him.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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