i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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