He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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