When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
