There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
