if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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