I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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