im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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