IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
nutella sex= disaster
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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