Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
