I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
