Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
