Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
