we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
