I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
