i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
3 2 1 whiskey
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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