Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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