Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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