Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
