I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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