Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
