so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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