she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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