I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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