Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
