The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
