i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
