we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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