She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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