ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
