Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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