Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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