It was confusing and full of hummus
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
