i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
