we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
