apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
