I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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