Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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