While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
