Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I end up in the pool?!
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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