Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
