Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
