god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
