They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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